"Toxic" Behavior, or 9 Habits That Hinder Communication
Each of us communicates with dozens of people every day. These are family, friendship and business contacts, fleeting meetings in transport, shops and on the streets, targeted appeals to various organizations. Sometimes communication leaves an unpleasant aftertaste, the reason for which is difficult to explain. Psychologists believe that this feeling arises when we come across people prone to so-called toxic behavior.
Today we will talk about its types and causes, as well as ways to save your nerves and maintain peace of mind when dealing with people who behave in this way.
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Victim position
At first glance, such a person looks pathetic, but harmless. He is just sure that those around him are unjust, and life circumstances are unreasonably cruel. He expects only sympathy and understanding from the interlocutor.
In fact, this position is extremely convenient. She is able to justify any mistakes, unwillingness to make decisions, and even commit unseemly acts. Communication with the “victim” is unpleasant: attempts to console or really help provoke her protest, and assurances that the world is not so bad are aggressive accusations of callousness.
Accumulation of negative
These people in any circumstance notice exclusively negative aspects. It is not surprising that their eternal despondency causes irritation among others, mixed with a sense of guilt, which “negativists” use for their own purposes: as a rule, they believe that they deserve increased attention and exceptional loyalty. However, they themselves are not at all concerned about the fact that their talk about how bad everything is, is reflected in other people's mood.
Narcissism
When a person constantly praises himself, it becomes difficult to communicate with him, even if he is really successful. The fact is that he does not notice other people, does not know anything about them and is not interested in anyone but himself. People around do not usually suffer from this, but they do not strive to contact a narcissistic egoist either.
Resentment
Excessive resentment is often considered a sign of tenderness, sensitivity and even shyness. In fact, the habit of taking offense at any word and perceiving the most innocent joke as rudeness has nothing to do with a subtle mental organization. Rather, it is a tendency to manipulate other people using artificially cultivated feelings of guilt. Such a position arises on the basis of low self-esteem and a desire to stand out, without doing anything significant for this.
Talkativeness
Communication with a chatterbox is always tiring, which has nothing to do with the content of the conversation: an overly talkative person can be interesting, erudite and witty. However, when contacting him, the interlocutor often has the feeling that the talker is using him to some extent: he ignores his thoughts, feelings, life experience and even the fact of the presence or absence of free time in advance. Feeling like just a receiver of information is insulting, even if you are fully endowed with the talent of a listener.
Lack of self-control
Everybody gets into trouble. Each of us can feel bad, tired or upset, but it is unacceptable to rip our emotions out on other people. People who don't know how to control themselves are unpleasant. You can always expect rudeness or hysteria from them. This keeps others in constant tension, which does not in the best way affect their health and communication style.
It happens that a person simply does not want to control himself, considering the features of his behavior a sign of a bright individuality. Others perceive such outbursts as a manifestation of bad manners. An apology (“sorry, lost it”) very quickly ceases to inspire confidence if unpleasant communication situations arise too often.
Excessive perfectionism
A painful desire for perfection is one of the most uncomfortable traits for those around. It can be difficult to understand a perfectionist, especially in cases where his oddities relate to ordinary everyday moments (washing dishes, putting things in order in the house, the state of clothes and shoes, etc.). It is even more difficult to put up with constant nit-picking: as a rule, such a person is not able to accept the lifestyle of other people and believes that his preferences are more important than all other circumstances and even above elementary politeness. Communication with a perfectionist leaves a feeling of resentment, unfairness of assessments and tiredness of being bored.
Lack of compassion
Adults generally follow generally accepted rules of conduct. They realize that it is unacceptable to rejoice in other people's troubles, to show disdain towards disabled people, to laugh at physical or intellectual disabilities. A person who behaves differently is not just unpleasant - he creates a sense of unpredictability and danger.
An openly demonstrated inability to compassion is perceived as a sign of infantilism and mental limitation. In addition, every public manifestation of callousness entails an immediate reaction from others, which threatens the development of open conflict. It is not surprising that contacts with such a person are tried to be kept to a minimum.
Seek approval
Self-doubt manifests itself in some people by constantly looking for external positive feedback. In this situation, it is unpleasant to communicate with a person for two reasons. First: he does something not quite right as often as other people, but he does not accept even the mildest criticism at all. Second, a person seeking approval takes too much of others' time, constantly demanding attention to themselves. Instead of empathy, he creates feelings of fatigue and uneasiness.
In most cases, the cause of "toxic" behavior is directly related to low self-esteem. People who do not know how to communicate normally, to some extent, use others for self-affirmation. Contacts with them usually end in a spoiled mood. Situations when it is impossible to avoid regular communication are especially unpleasant. If your colleague or relative is prone to toxic behavior, you risk not only losing your peace of mind, but also becoming a victim of one of the many diseases caused by prolonged stress. What to do?
First, take care of yourself. It is important to understand that it is impossible to change the behavior of another person. Attempts to argue, to convince him of the incorrectness of his position will do nothing, except for a further deterioration in relations.
Secondly, it makes sense to assess the situation from a medical point of view. The fact is that some types of "toxic" behavior are symptoms of ailments: pathological accuracy sometimes occurs with obsessive-compulsive disorder, resentment - with neuroses, talkativeness - with attention deficit disorder, etc.
Third, "toxic" behavior is usually directed at everyone around you, and not at you personally. This means that the discomfort associated with such communication should not be taken to heart. If the person who annoys you is sick, you can only feel sorry for him. In any case, you should, if possible, keep communication with him to a minimum.
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Maria Kulkes Medical journalist About the author
Education: First Moscow State Medical University named after I. M. Sechenov, specialty "General Medicine".
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