Raising a child 3 years old
The upbringing of a 3-year-old child is in most cases determined by an age crisis, which is associated with the transition from an early age to preschool.
This period for all children proceeds in its own way, but in most cases it is characterized as unstable and requiring special attention and patience from the parents.
The main symptoms of the crisis of three years
In order to adjust your actions when raising a child at 3 years old, you need to notice the symptoms of a developing crisis in time. They were first described by Elsa Keller in her work On the Personality of a Three-Year-Old Child, where she highlighted:
- Negativism. Its main manifestation is refusal to obey adults, their requirements and even the usual way of life. Child psychologists say that when raising a 3-year-old child, it is necessary to distinguish negativism from ordinary disobedience. The main difference is that the child does not do exactly what the adults ask him to do, regardless of the content of the request or proposal. The desire to contradict can in some cases reach the point of absurdity, when a child calls white black;
- Stubbornness. The desire to insist on one's own at this age can take on rather categorical forms. At the same time, there are usually no special motives for this, but the child, despite all reasonable arguments, can continue to stand on his original decision;
- Obstinacy, which is not directed against a specific adult, but, in principle, against the existing norms of upbringing and lifestyle. Also, when raising a child at 3 years old, parents should be prepared that their baby will begin to reject all their favorite toys and familiar entertainment, without offering anything in return;
- Self-will, which is expressed in the desire to show independence in all matters;
- Devaluation, which manifests itself in attempts to swear and call names those who are dear to him, including parents. Also, at this time, favorite toys may lose value for the child, which he can easily break or throw away;
- Rebellious protest, manifested in frequent quarrels with parents, a state of constant conflict with them and other people;
- Despotism that occurs most in families with one child. During the upbringing of a child 3-4 years old, parents should be prepared for the fact that their baby may show a desire to put pressure on others. He may require them to do what he wants at a given moment in time, regardless of reasonable arguments about the need for this or that action (for example, the baby needs to go to kindergarten, because the mother leaves for work). It is like a child's attempt to return to infancy, when in fact every desire was fulfilled unquestioningly.
Almost all of the symptoms described affect the child himself and the people around him. When raising a child of three years old, it may seem to young parents that the baby just has a bad temper, but this is not so. Psychologists associate the crisis with the restructuring of the child's social relationships with the people around him and the emergence of prerequisites for independent activity, since the child seeks to become like adults.
Features of raising a child 3 years old
In order to develop the correct approaches to raising a child at 3-4 years old, it is necessary to understand the main changes that occur with the baby at this age:
- First, usually by the age of three, the child's body reaches sufficient development for the manifestation of independence. The kid becomes a real explorer not only of the world around him, but also of his own capabilities. Therefore, he has a protest to any help from his parents and the limitation of his activity;
- Secondly, psychologists believe that a child's personality is "born" at this age. When raising a child of 3-4 years old, it should be understood that the baby begins to psychologically move away from his parents and realizes himself as a separate person. The most used phrase at this age is “I myself”. His inner conflict is due precisely to the desire to be independent, while realizing his dependence on the care and love of his parents;
- Thirdly, numerous symptoms of a crisis can be associated with mistakes in raising a child at 3-4 years old, when the parents did not notice in time that their baby had grown, which means that much had to be changed in communication with him.
Usually, the crisis of three years is easiest in families where the child is not initially the center of all family life. At the same time, in families where the baby is not overseen by parents and other relatives, the child usually has more opportunities for free development, which means that there is much less reason for protest.
The changes taking place in the baby cannot be ignored or suppressed by authoritarian methods. It is beyond the power of any parent to stop the baby's unwanted behavior once and for all. Therefore, when raising a child of three years old, parents should accept their baby with all the problems of a crisis age and try to minimize the negative consequences of this period. You should not expect to:
- That the child will respond appropriately to requests or prohibitions;
- That the baby will be compliant and will quickly agree with any proposal of the parents;
- That he will not express negative emotions.
At the same time, all the symptoms manifested at this age must be treated with understanding, since right now many character traits are being laid that will determine the future fate of the baby. Many psychologists advise, when raising a child of 3-4 years old, to understand that it is impossible to "fight" with a child at this age, but it is necessary to look for new approaches to communicate with him.
According to psychologists, in order to overcome the crisis, it is necessary to look for a "golden" mean.
This is because unrestricted freedom does the same harm to a child as strict restrictions. Therefore, the baby should be given more independence, but at the same time he should not be left unattended, letting the process take its course. The best solution would be cooperation aimed at all-round development, and support, which the baby will definitely appreciate. Young parents in overcoming the crisis of three years old can be helped by the book of the famous teacher M. Montessori "Help me do it myself", which sets out effective methods of raising a child of 3 years.
When symptoms appear that in many ways resemble the crisis of adolescence, you should not try to "crush" the child with your own authority, but, respecting his desire for independence, you need to show more flexibility and resourcefulness, try to captivate him with new games, active recreation, and developing activities. Perhaps from the first time the baby will not listen to the words of the parents, however, with all his readiness to protest all the proposals, he can eventually accept them if he decides that he is the initiator of them.
When raising a three-year-old child, you need to understand that a child's rebellion is necessary so that the child can better understand himself and develop the independence necessary for later life.
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